I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
