yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
