Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
