We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
