we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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