fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
