some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
