Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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