Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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