Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They took my balls.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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