I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
