Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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