Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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