I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
dude. I can hear the air.
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