with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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