I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
