I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
