i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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