I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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