WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
