I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
