Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
