You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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