And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
