Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
