No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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