soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
