I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
