Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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