Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
