I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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