Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
