WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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