i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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