just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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