if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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