Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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