she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
