absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
