I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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