Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a hot homeless man
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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