all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
