I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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