I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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