Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
