Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
