I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
