It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
