Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
