I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
