It's Friday. Sex?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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